I knew a long time ago that “good people” were to be avoided like the plague……..
People have told me that I am nice and I recognize myself a bit in this description because I don’t get angry easily but when I do, I can get quite angry. Usually this is because I feel someone betrayed me or they don’t respect my boundaries.
That said, I’m not always nice because I don’t keep up a facade when I don’t want to do something or don’t feel like it at all. Usually it shows on my face, too.
If someone is too nice, you can be sure there is something festering underneath it all…
Nice people can be toxic. Specifically, the overly nice people I have known were extreme passive-aggressives. They act okay even when you say something that unintentionally sleights them or that they have misconstrued. They keep up the facade when they don’t want to, or they don’t really feel like it. They turn every kind gesture into a “duty” or “obligation”, only the recipient isn’t aware that this gift is handed over with a grudge or an expectation.
And you wonder, “How can this person be so nice? Certainly there’s something that bothers them.”
Then suddenly, they turn on you. On a dime. And your every little infraction is blown up into epic proportions, because they’ve been sitting on it for so long, letting it all fester. That kind of faux niceness is the worst type of deceit. People show you who they are? Well, not always, if they’re just too nice.
I have also noticed that people who others perceive as really positive, always in a good mood, are also hiding something. Usually they are hiding their insecurities and sadness underneath it all. I have met several people like it and to me, their happiness felt extremely fake. Reminds me of a scenario with someone I knew…..I was apparently doing something that kept pissing them off, and even when I asked them to name a time when I had done ‘said thing”, they couldn’t say. Meaning nothing was ever worked on because the communication wasn’t all there. Same with another person who eventually said that they felt pressured by my actions despite them saying they were okay. My advice for these people is to raise the issue ASAP, otherwise it can risk severing ties and losing trust. You have to establish your boundaries.
I had struggled personally with the idea that I was not a ‘genuinely’ nice person. I had to consider that, perhaps my behavior was meant only to influence people to view me as a kind person. Eventually I came to believe that I was kind, my actions over many years attested to that. I care about others feelings and strive to be a positive force in my little world. I try to embody the ideals I vouch for. A Kind or evil act is still such, despite ulterior motives. We are all human. Everyone has bad days. People generally do grow as individuals. An underlying behavioral disorder or mental cognitive issue could be the cause of atrocious actions. Kindness is not clearly defined, and has a nimiety of causes. Sexual offenders often buy gifts for the victims they are “grooming”. Courts can order convicted offenders to volunteer or provide community service. Companies do give-aways as a marketing strategy to increase their reach and sales but to the recipients all that is viewed as a kind gesture. In Counseling, patients can be encouraged to volunteer to help mitigate some symptoms of depression, so a mental health issue can be the cause for an act of kindness. I strongly believe that the measure of “kind” is subjective to each individual.
I think there’s also another kind of deceitful charmer we call the con-artist. They’re all love and light, rainbows and cotton candy, but it is all there just to get your trust, so that you are defenceless when the time comes for the sting. Once they have whatever it is they aree conning you out of, it is all arguments, justifications and a smoke-screen of confusion. I have seen this in business among patners as well as personal relationships. These ones…..SEE THEM RUN!
Kind regards to people who are genuinely nice and humane. I know there’s like three of you out there. Blessings.