A Kind of selfish.

“You cannot pour from an empty cup”

Matthew 22:39. We’ve all heard it. It’s the one where Jesus tells us that the second most important commandment is to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

The word we overlook far too often in that verse is “as.” Love your neighbor AS you love yourself. To do this, you have to actually love yourself. I realized – and I’m sure I’m not alone in this – that I was expending enormous emotional and physical energy loving others, but not honestly loving myself. That’s not His plan, and it’s not His commandment. His commandment requires loving ourselves.

Ref : Always Katie

What if I told you self-care was so much more than a desired list of activities but rather more about true soul-care, filling our cup from the inside out?When you hear the term self-care, what comes to mind?Does it sound selfish, extravagant, new age, or for people who have enough time for luxury?

Do you always find yourself saying “Yes” to things you don’t want to do? You do this because you don’t want to feel guilty or selfish (the bad person). But can you really help them if you are not operating at your highest potential? It is time to start gaining the skills you need to turn down requests for projects you do not want to do. Being selfish (the good kind) can totally help with this.

I like to believe that being selfish is necessary with the virtue that allows you to be good to others because you were first able to be good to yourself. We need to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and nurture ourselves. Moral upbringing and religion, however, have wired our conscience into believing that being selfish is only bad and you need to put the needs of others before our own. Part of a good egocentrism involves being overly protective of your mental well being. It comes with zero compromise for anything less of a peace of mind.

Developing compassion, esteem, love, care, worth, management and respect for yourself can help you reach this goal. Do not get this confused with cockiness, which has a strong element of arrogance and entitlement associated with it. Most arrogant people don’t have that much self-esteem or love. They hide their insecurities behind their impudence and ability to intimidate others in the bid prove their worth or superiority.

Selfishness in this sense would mean saying yes to yourself before saying yes to others, and aligning your internal energies with your decision, before taking any external action. It’s making sure that you are full, loaded, energized and connected to your inner source of clarity and strength so that you have plenty to give away to others, and not feel depleted or lifeless as you give.
“Help yourself first” before you become of help to anyone. Selfishness means to fill yourself up with loving positive energies, and then become of value to someone.

You cannot give to another what you do not have to begin with. If you truly think about it, how can you be compassionate with other people if you are not compassionate with yourself? How can you give patience when you do not have it within you? How can you truly give love to another person when you are not loving yourself first? You always have to start with the source, which is you.

Love and light

A

HANDLING INSECURITIES AND SELF DOUBT.

We are called a narcissistic generation. We are told that technology and social media are giving us an inflated sense of self. But most of us don’t walk around feeling like we are all that great. In fact, there is one underlying emotion that overwhelmingly shapes our self-image and influences our behavior, insecurity. If you could enter the minds of people around you, even the narcissistic ones, you’re likely to encounter ceaseless waves of insecurity.

It seems that we will all struggle with insecurities at some point in our lives, whether it’s about our physical attributes, such as being bald, being in a larger body, wearing glasses, or having acne, or about less visible things like our finances, education, job, or relationship status.

The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others.” Feelings of insecurity leave us overdependent on external factors — admiration, praise, promotions. But even then, the feeling of achievement is generally temporary. Soon after, we turn inward, digging inside ourselves for a vein of confidence that remains elusive.

Insecure” behavior such as speaking less in meetings, or shying away from confrontation, in those circumstances, is not the expression of a sensitive persona. Many use this technique to avoid being viewed as unlettered or illiterate. It is both a response to subtle threats and a way of fitting in, or, more precisely, of consenting to the status of misfit. Treating insecurity as a personal issue, then, leaves the expectation that creates insecurity in the first place unquestioned. It’s the insecure person’s job to toughen up, not the organization’s / society’s job to loosen up. No wonder the insecure work hard and feel alone.

Insecurities are brought on when we recognize differences between ourselves and others, either on our own or through someone else pointing it out. They are not entirely individualistic. This is why handling insecurity in isolation is hardly effective.

Since feeling insecure seems like an unavoidable part of the human experience, we need to understand how to deal with it. Many of us deal with our insecurities by trying to hide the things we are insecure about. We work hard to hide our insecurities from others, to avoid the judgement we expect will be directed towards us if our insecurities show. For example, a person who is insecure about their weight may wear baggy clothes to hide their shape of their body.

Hiding our insecurities is a futile effort as it is a only temporary “solution,” sooner than later we will bounce back to square one upon experiencing any triggers or situations that arouse self doubt. We usually cannot hide something we are insecure about one hundred percent of the time and even if we could, it would be exhausting. The long term solution to overcoming insecurities is self-acceptance. When we accept ourselves for who we are, we are able to shed our insecurities because we no longer care whether we are judged for them. When we practice self-acceptance, we often find that the majority of people do not judge us and that those who do don’t even matter.

May we learn to grow into our bodies and embrace self love and acceptance to a point where what we think of ourselves is what matters the most.

Love and Light A

TOXIC KINDNESS

I knew a long time ago that “good people” were to be avoided like the plague……..

People have told me that I am nice and I recognize myself a bit in this description because I don’t get angry easily but when I do, I can get quite angry. Usually this is because I feel someone betrayed me or they don’t respect my boundaries.

That said, I’m not always nice because I don’t keep up a facade when I don’t want to do something or don’t feel like it at all. Usually it shows on my face, too.

If someone is too nice, you can be sure there is something festering underneath it all…

Nice people can be toxic. Specifically, the overly nice people I have known were extreme passive-aggressives. They act okay even when you say something that unintentionally sleights them or that they have misconstrued. They keep up the facade when they don’t want to, or they don’t really feel like it. They turn every kind gesture into a “duty” or “obligation”, only the recipient isn’t aware that this gift is handed over with a grudge or an expectation.

And you wonder, “How can this person be so nice? Certainly there’s something that bothers them.”

Then suddenly, they turn on you. On a dime. And your every little infraction is blown up into epic proportions, because they’ve been sitting on it for so long, letting it all fester. That kind of faux niceness is the worst type of deceit. People show you who they are? Well, not always, if they’re just too nice.

I have also noticed that people who others perceive as really positive, always in a good mood, are also hiding something. Usually they are hiding their insecurities and sadness underneath it all. I have met several people like it and to me, their happiness felt extremely fake. Reminds me of a scenario with someone I knew…..I was apparently doing something that kept pissing them off, and even when I asked them to name a time when I had done ‘said thing”, they couldn’t say. Meaning nothing was ever worked on because the communication wasn’t all there. Same with another person who eventually said that they felt pressured by my actions despite them saying they were okay. My advice for these people is to raise the issue ASAP, otherwise it can risk severing ties and losing trust. You have to establish your boundaries.

I had struggled personally with the idea that I was not a ‘genuinely’ nice person. I had to consider that, perhaps my behavior was meant only to influence people to view me as a kind person. Eventually I came to believe that I was kind, my actions over many years attested to that. I care about others feelings and strive to be a positive force in my little world. I try to embody the ideals I vouch for. A Kind or evil act is still such, despite ulterior motives. We are all human. Everyone has bad days. People generally do grow as individuals. An underlying behavioral disorder or mental cognitive issue could be the cause of atrocious actions. Kindness is not clearly defined, and has a nimiety of causes. Sexual offenders often buy gifts for the victims they are “grooming”. Courts can order convicted offenders to volunteer or provide community service. Companies do give-aways as a marketing strategy to increase their reach and sales but to the recipients all that is viewed as a kind gesture. In Counseling, patients can be encouraged to volunteer to help mitigate some symptoms of depression, so a mental health issue can be the cause for an act of kindness. I strongly believe that the measure of “kind” is subjective to each individual.

I think there’s also another kind of deceitful charmer we call the con-artist. They’re all love and light, rainbows and cotton candy, but it is all there just to get your trust, so that you are defenceless when the time comes for the sting. Once they have whatever it is they aree conning you out of, it is all arguments, justifications and a smoke-screen of confusion. I have seen this in business among patners as well as personal relationships. These ones…..SEE THEM RUN!

Kind regards to people who are genuinely nice and humane. I know there’s like three of you out there. Blessings.

A

A NOTE

From my former,

“Through my present,”

To my latter.

Very bad things happen to good People and the universe has sculpted a way of making it look like it is “their” fault.

The saddest bit about this is that people die ……. (physically commit suicide, emotional death, psychological death, spiritual death).

I hope you know that non of these things is your fault. I hope you know that you deserve amazing even though the universe does not seem to align with such faith.

I HOPE YOU DANCE! Even when the volume is low and the light is dim.

Love & Light

A

The narcissist’s little chess board.

This is their whole point. It is why they do what they do. They set out to hurt you because if they can hurt you that means you care for them. When they see that you care enough to be hurt by them, they feel secure in the relationship and get their meaning from the relationship. Up until that time, they didn’t know if they were a permanent fixture, because you are not a permanent fixture to them. They probably don’t even really like you. Why should they feel any security?

After they hurt you and you do not leave, they know you love them. So now, it turns into a fun little game. They make it up to you, somehow. They convince you that it was just that one time, or whatever lie suits their need. Things calm down and you get over whatever it is that they did. Then, they do something disturbing and hurt you again just to make sure that you still love them after all. They turn that pain into some sick affirmation of love in the relationship.

Narcissists are insanely sensitive. They constantly obsess about the most important thing to them in the world:

Their social status.

Now that I say this, I’m sure you can remember back to times in public where the narcissist felt their social status was under attack, and reacted disproportionately. It really is in some cases more important to them than their life.

It is the illusion of high social status, which is also called their “mask” that enables them to indulge in their wicked first love – abusing, belittling, bullying and devaluing others.

Narcissists are insane, and very, very sensitive to changes in status.

Anything you can do to lower their status in the eyes of others, particularly their greatest rivals (often brothers or sisters, work mates) causes the narcissist searing agony, a festering wound that will torture them for years to come as they replay it over and over and over again in their minds.

How you do this is up to you.

You spent a lot of time being very careful not to insult the narcissist, and learning how to please them, you are intimately acquainted with their weaknesses. You know who their greatest rival is.

What’s more, you are actually far crazier than they are, which is why they chose you. They knew it would be easy to smear you on the way out as a nutter, so that no one would believe you. What they didn’t count on was you embracing your madness, and becoming cunning, furious, deranged. Somewhat Borderline.

May I just suggest that if you don’t have overwhelming evidence – video, text, audio, that you think laterally and eschew the direct approach? You might just turn out as silly….

WHAT’S BEHIND YOUR ANGER?

Anger is an alert from your body to inform you that something is wrong. If you can become aware of what you are feeling and WHY you are feeling it rather than just feel anger, you can become resourceful at understanding your emotions and dealing with them better. In this way, anger can be a positive emotion. Therefore, we need our anger for our survival. It also helps us set up boundaries and can be a positive thrust toward getting our needs met (if we know what our needs are). Just because you get angry does not necessarily mean you have a problem. Anger is, after all, part of the natural response that helps us to protect ourselves and others. Here are some examples of when anger is helpful and healthy.

Anger is not a very complex emotion, it can cover up other feelings alike a mask. Most anger comes from depression, anxiety, hurt, resentment, envy, jealousy and many others. Anger can come from very small things building up a castle of annoyance and irritation.

Childhood trauma, feeling hopeless and powerless, violated disrespected or tried….

ANGER DIFUSION

Halt

This is an acronym that helps you examine your emotions before taking any action on them. It works for anxiety and I think it would be applicable for anger too. Are you (Hungry, angry, lonely or tired) ? This will help you figure out what exactly you are feeling.

Are you really Angry or just depressed, sad, frustrated, or even just broke. What really is pushing your buttons and is it really worth taking away the little happiness you have worked so hard to achieve in this complex life ? If the answer is no …then it is really important for you to let go and move on.

1: Admit you are angry or anxious. This is the first step to solving wha

Are you angry because of frustration

DISCOVER THE BEAUTY IN YOUR OWN JOURNEY.

“Personality begins where comparison ends” There is no need to compare yourself with others, be happy and find satisfaction in your own work.

COMPARISON: Many times, knowingly or unknowingly, we create false stories in our heads based on comparison. When I was starting to write about mental health, it looked like everyone had a blog, this instigated a lot of self doubt because it felt like there was no room left for an amateur scribbler like me. There were like 30 million people ( educated and more informed about this than I was /am) already writing….with a bigger audience at that! So I started to compare my drafts with other people’s published content and yeah, I was writing kindergarten stories. I started to second guess myself because what was the point of me moving toward and writing??….who was going to read my “things” (I wasn’t even sure if I was making sense). It really took a toll on me and I started to question whether this was something I wanted to go ahead and do.

REALISATION: I had to sit with myself and realise that this was my ego speaking and I was feeling this way because I would not get out of my head into my heart. Once I was able to tap into that inner space, to ground myself to calmness and self-realisation. I connected to the truth exclusive of the comparisons, I was able to remind myself that everyone’s journey is different regardless of whether we are taking similar steps or doing the same thing. Our paths are different, they have different beginnings, in-between and endings. Them doing what they are doing is apart of their journey and I was not going to reck my own journey by comparing it to theirs.

Pointing out the similarities and differences, what they were doing better than I was about to do was a disservice to my abilities, process, the blooming, blossoming and generally disrespectful to my worth. I was literally blocking the blessings the universe had in store for me. I am saying all this and it seems easy but it takes discipline and self actualization. You have to work towards recognising who you are, what you want, how you want it and following the path regardless of the fact that very many people seem to be doing the exact same thing. It’s not always going to be easy to snap out of your comparison conspiracies but here are…

A FEW TIPS TO BREAK THE COMPARISON BONDAGE AND TAP INTO YOUR UNEXPLORED UNIQUENESS.

If you are tired of this comparison limiting your growth, here are a few tips that can help you appreciate your own journey. To discover the uniqueness in your path and the perfection in your species of creation :

Examine your thoughts and name them: In that trying moment when you start to compare yourself with others, take a deep breath and recenter yourself back to a place of clarity and inner knowing. Examine what you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. Name what you are feeling, is it envy, jealousy, fear, unnecessary hate, anger, uncomfortabity or unease? When you do that, it helps you clarify the situation.It brings clarity to the parts of you that need healing and releasing.

If someone else’s journey makes you feel like you hate them or makes you feel inadequate in anyway, there is definitely a deeper reason and root cause for those emotions. By tuning into your inner voice and taking that breath to ground yourself, you will hopefully figure out the root cause of these( usually unhealthy) emotions you are experiencing.

Remind yourself that you are not your thoughts, you are the observer of them: It is as simple as “what you think you manifest” so if you can check your thoughts and come back to the truth of it all which is that; those thoughts are not who you are, then you are shifting everything. You are opening yourself up to let go of the comparisons and reminding yourself of your worth and who you are. Do you feel that strength? Yes , that us the kind of assurance you will need to embrace your path in its seemingly invisible uniqueness. You are not your thought but your thoughts can determine who you become. Choose which thoughts you want to observe.

LASTLY, HOW ABOUT YOU TRY TO MIMIC THEM? Don’t raise your eyebrows yet….I am not in anyway telling you to live your life like someone else but borrow some knowledge, pick a leaf and build up on that. Do as much learning as you can from people who trigger your feelings of envy, jealousy, inadequacy or even fear. Do not steal someone’s idea, try to learn and study from people that inspire you. Their habits, routines, life hacks, behaviour and mindsets because that’s what helped them to get into the attractive space that they are in.

I know we all have issues with comparing ourselves and our lives to other people and I hope these tips help you snap out of your compare-holic tendencies, move forward and chase after your dreams. May be they could help you appreciate your journey and the fact that we learn from what is already in place, our paths are completely different from those who are perusing the same career as ourselves. We are our own type of unique and nothing can beat this kind of mindset.

To self discovery and appreciation.

FOR GOD LOVES A CHEERFUL GIVER.

Luke 6:33

If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.

Today as I was scrolling through my timeline(Twitter), I happened to bump into a tweet that said, “stop pouring into cups that don’t pour into your own.” Honestly the witch in me screamed “PREACHHH!” But on second thought, I was like, hollup! hollup!, wait what? Is this not manipulation?? ” The Law of Reciprocity.” This powerful psychological principle that says,” if you give someone something, the recipient is compelled to return the favor. It doesn’t matter if you give someone a gift, a kind gesture, or a material possession. The result is the same — they’ll feel that they owe you!” If you think this type of giving is disingenuous, it is.

The theory of giving;

It has come to my concern that very many people do not understand the theory of giving. Many a times we give with ulterior motives and expectations at the back of our minds. I’ve found that these expectations cause more stress than joy. They mar the act of giving which leads to disappointment when the recipient doesn’t return the kindness; and they tie ones intentions to an internal score card, which places a wedge in friendships and relationships. Majority have dressed barter trade so well that it looks like giving, even when it is not. It is a “you do me I do you” transaction.

I ask myself often, “What is my expectation?” before I do something for another person. The answer I find most acceptable, corny as it may sound, is to feel good and show love. There is a certain level of fulfilment that comes with being able to offer help to someone who needs it. It is the feeling of accomplishment for me. Strangely, when I let go of the need to control my returns for giving, I get enough, somehow. Life has a unique way of rewarding good deeds. Is there such a thing as “good karma?”

Giving does not require one to be very wealthy , it comes down to very many intagible things that require high degree of humanity, sacrifice, ethics, empathy, selflessness etc. The giving I am talking about is not transactional. You’re not really giving if you expect something in return.

People who adopt a “What’s in it for me?” attitude are obsessed with benefitting every time they do something. They are other “some to reap” kind of mentality. This mindset has significant consequences.

This attitude is unproductive, selfish, unfulfilling and to a certain extent egocentric. Some folks get frustrated if they don’t benefit from their efforts. This can lead to anger and resentment — causing friction in the best of relationships and sometimes depression.

Here is a list of a few things to keep in mind when you decide to give:

It is not a competition. If giving is going to leave you sad, empty or bitter, feel free to sit that one out, you can always give when it is comfortable enough. –Do not give out of compulsion and guilt but rather kindness and joy. Give because you want to not because you are compelled to. –Spiteful giving is not genuine. Give out of benevolence. Do not give because you want to prove to your neighbour that “you can feed his family.” –Do not give to show off. You can give without letting the whole world know about it. -Do not ask “What’s in it for me?” every time you are asked to do something?
-You do not deserve medal for doing extra work or for putting in extra time at the office? Drop the entitlement and do your work with diligence.
-Desist from the habit of keeping score every time you do something. Make giving apart of you.
-Do not go out of your way for someone, and assume that they owe you. It is not a transaction! –Stop compareing your level of effort to others, just to affirm you are not doing more?
-Erase questions like, “What will you give me?” when you are requested to help?
Do not rub it in people’s faces that you helped them or gave them something.
– Do not perform an act of kindness and make people feel guilty about it. A guilt trip isn’t a great gift. -Giving shouldn’t come with demands, conditions, a hidden agenda, or a scorecard.

In order to build any type of relationship that gives you the air cover to be able to ask for something down the line, you should always be the one providing the value upfront. You might not always get what you ask for, but at the end of the day, the absolute worse case scenario is that you had a positive impact on somebody through your actions, and as a human, that should just make you feel good.

You might not always benefit from giving freely and selfless with no strings attatched. But you can take great pride in knowing that you’re making a positive difference in the world. While takers may accumulate a lot of things in life, they’ll never experience the joy of being a giver. Here’s the secret: Give for the right reason — and that is, give for no reason at all.” FOR GOD LOVES A CHEERFUL GIVER!

Masculinity crisis in regard to men’s mental health.

Clearly, the problem doesn’t lie simply in the pressures of the changing culture but in the old-fashioned ideals of masculinity……”

For a long time now, most men’s mental health issues have gone unrecognised. This has been so due to a number of factors including social norms, upbringing and the role models we are presented with. Many a times we hear phrases like, man up, you are man, big boys don’t cry, real men don’t cry, real mean don’t do this or that…., these and many more have corrupted the male gender into thinking that it is not okay for them to out their mental grievances. This has in turn crippled the attempts to improve mental health in the world and amongest this gender to be precise. Mental health is not gender biased because depression is not only detrimental to women.

It is quite sad that men ignore their mental well being in the quest to prove “masculinity”. Men, from way back, have been cajoled into believing that they are responsible for everyone else’s well being but theirs. “The alpha male tendency” has left men’s mental health unsupervised and unattended to which leaves very many men battling anxiety, rejection, depression, fear, defeat, failure, etc on their own. The thing with depression, is that you think you “got this” until you “don’t got it” and sometimes this is either too late or too intense.

Our emotional state often dictates how we behave, with men and women handling emotions is quite different. When upset, women are more likely to express their feelings directly and to seek the support of friends and family, whereas men might hide their emotions or withdraw.

Men often feel that they need to be self-reliant and provide for their loved ones, so it is not appropriate to express their emotions. This behaviour can be reinforced in the stereotype of the heroic male, so often represented in popular culture. Fearless, resourceful, stoic and usually facing adversity alone, these characters tell us a lot about what is considered to be ideal male behaviour within our society. Depicting masculinity as invincible, dauntless or impregnable which is not really the case. Men are as human as anyone else, they go through pain, they have emotions that need to be understood. But they can not be understood if men do not come out of their “hard guy shelf” and out what is bothering them.

Generally there are four basic emotions ie; happiness, sadness, fear and anger. Of these four emotions, happiness is considered the most acceptable in society. Yet anger, fear and sadness are universally felt by everyone. These emotions serve valuable purposes and are normal responses to threat and loss.

Because emotions such as fear and sadness are generally not as accepted, men might try to hide these from themselves and those around them. They feel that they should be able to cope on their own. With the gradually built heroic mindset,  Men may feel uncomfortable talking to someone about them, leading to frustration in relationships when they cannot express their needs, fears and grief lest they will be branded weak or vulnerable. Society has directly or indirectly created restrictions on emotional expression towards the male gender which is a threat to their mental wellness. Some of these restrictions are self inflicted but mainly fueled by a judgemental society that depicts the male gender as “invincible”. This in turn discourages men going through trauma, depression, agony, grief and many other mental health issues from outing their pain for fear of being looked at as “not man enough”.

With advancement in understanding and knowledge, platforms like this one are here to create awareness amongest people on basic mental health issues like these. To encourage men to prioritiese their mental wellness which in turn boosts performance in their daily responsibilities. To let men know that you are still as man enough as before even after letting out your vulnerability. To let them know that it is human to have feelings of sadness, fear, anger and be able to let the people around you know about them. It is very healthy and important to understand your emotions and be able to express them.

Men are often told they have to ‘get in touch with their feelings,’ but what does this mean and how do you do it?

Here are some strategies for getting to know your feelings better:

  • Be aware of the sensations in your body. Emotion always manifests somewhere in the body. Anger might be experienced as a flush of heat in the face, sadness as a lump on the throat, anxiety as a knot in the stomach. Take a moment to acknowledge the feeling(s) and take a few breaths to help identify these sensations and understand what they mean.
  • If you are feeling angry, ask yourself what other emotions you might be feeling? Are you really sad underneath, or afraid?
  • Learn to put words to what you are feeling. Often it helps to write down or brainstorm ideas before a conversation.
  • Identifying and expressing feelings is a learnt behaviour – and like driving a car, it takes practice.
  • Take the risk of showing your vulnerability with people who you feel safe with. Give yourself permission to be human; it can bring you closer to others and may even bring a sense of relief.
  • Ask for help when you need it. Everyone needs a hand at one point or the other.

Masculinity crisis – In simple terms is a description of how the changing work patterns and new family demands put pressure on men who feel distress and insecurity about their new gender role.

Reff: Masculinity and Mental health Australia.

MINIMALISM….AS A PATHWAY TO MENTAL HEALTH RESTORATION.

Modern day “BASIC”

What is the purpose of life? Many will wind around different points, I will tell you the real one and you probably don’t even know but you subconsciously work towards it. ACCUMULATION. Unfortunate right! We come to the world to gradually gather and acquire as much wealth as we can before we die and leave it all behind. Now it sounds pathetic.

From the time a child is born and attains an education, they are taught to strive so hard and excel so as to get a highly paying job or any money source really. Just work hard and be filthy rich. The irony is in the fact that you can have all the wealth in the world but still feel unaccomplished and dissatisfied. Present day success comes with questions of how much do you have, what do you have to offer, how many people know you, how influential are you; even when you are not really that sensible, the crowds on social media singing your praise, but in the end there will still be many people ahead of you. The list goes on and the more the wealth the more the questions. Answering to a society that is more interested in banter than knowledge.

Because we grow up in societies that have such a perspective of life, it is hard to keep it together because of the uncontrollable adrenaline rush in the quest to keep your numbers above the established social belt of success. Away from the long term wealth accumulation, let us notch it down to our daily way of life;

The quickest path to depression and anxiety is thinking low of yourself. Feeling discontent, unworthy and below the prevailing societal standards. I know it is a comparative world but;

Why is it always you trying to reach other people’s standards? Why is it not them trying to catch up with your pace? Why are you not the trend setter? Are you not bright enough?

Are you living for yourself or are some parts of your life borrowed? Do not let yourself drown in the mass because you don’t want to leave anyone behind yet you can swim to the shore. At least history will remember that you saved a life!Stop living in the shadow of “that’s what everyone is doing” and set your own terms and conditions. Keeping in mind that working on yourself is an infinite spectrum, I hope this write up helps you in one way of the other.

Today I will be talking about how to use minimalism as a way of improving your mental wellness …. It is a movement that has been around and you were probably considering it but you kept putting it off from resolution to resolution. This could have probably been because everyone thinks minimalists are living in self denial or self sacrifice. But is it as bad as the “YOLO” society depicts it? Minimalism can also be defined in a whole tone of ways but one that covers everything up is doing away with everything except what you need, and this is how minimalism restores your mental health;

Living a minimal life, and I’m not referring to having one bowl in your kitchen cabinet from which you eat and drink, NO; that is poverty, you probably need to get a second job or work extra shifts. I know we are in a fast moving world but what is the essence of pacing up to the world and dying of anxiety because clearly you are not successfully living up to the goal. You are not bolt and the world moves faster than he sprints. Now you have to beat yourself up and nurse feelings of self imposed failure for a race you could have chosen to sit out.

Do not confuse minimalism with settling for a broke life please. Minimalism is intentionally living with only the things You really need—those items that support your purpose. Removing the distraction of excess possessions so that you can focus more on those things that matter most.

Creating space can be physical —be your own interior designer, mental —declutter your brain to allow growth and new adventures, spiritual— free up your spirit of hate, resentment, fear and let your soul bloom into positive and Godly thinking. Let go of negativity whether it is from friends, family, workmates and employers. Freeing up space, helps you prioritize on what you really need and this does not only corner on tangible material. Minimalism requires you to organize your priorities according to importance, and what is more freeing than dropping unnecessary baggage to focus on what is key?!

In lay man language, it is more like keeping your Old phone which is in good condition instead of spending on the latest version whose upgrades in function are not even in your list of phone needs. Not having a fifty pair of shoes goal yet you are always wearing your black flip-flops and pumps on every other occasion. Getting rid of all those things in your house that you do not use anymore. Creating room for a potted plant, have space for your indoor workout so you do not have to spend on the gym when you can workout at home on your yoga mat. This saves you money and creates more convince. Minimalism is like turning off the background data of the apps you do not use often to save data and battery for those that you are using. For the android users who do not understand that, you can refer to deleting apps you do not use to free up space for better phone functionality.

A prerequisite for healing is space, and minimalism is the right “guy” for that. Taking an example of relationships,you have to painfully move away from those that keep breaking you and taking you back into depression, only then will you allow room for better connections with people that value your sanity. Those that you need. And I am not saying, CUT PEOPLE OFF! No! Just reduce interactions with people and things that are not good for your mental health. Anything that makes you feel worthless is definitely not good enough for you. Block it’s access to you. Let them/it wave from a distance.

Prioritizing a sound mind over a crowded mind slowly rejuvenates your soul and brain into making more intuitive decisions in life. There is a level of self confidence and worth that comes with choosing right. Liberating yourself from anything that is not necessary to make space for what is essential.

Following the notion, “ less is more, there is no fuss or need to have a lot especially if it is not helping you as much as everyone presumes. You are living for yourself not the public, let that sink in. It is definitely okay to not hop on every trend that is making rounds on media. It is okay to have nothing to say and not be persuaded into saying it. It is okay to mute the world and ride solo sometimes. It is okay to have no clue about things, you do not have to know something about everything but you have to have an open mind to let in new knowledge. But where will it go if your brain is cluttered with a lot of “crap”. CLEAN UP!!

Create a happiness of your own from simple things that are easily accessible to you,things that you truly love not things that the world is shoving down your throat. Things that will not have you disorientated and disloyal to your true self. Take a step back, away from the crowd and drown yourself into self realization. Pick out what you need leave what you don’t. Free yourself from unnecessary intricacies.

A minimal life breeds satisfaction from things everyone considers as basic and that over there is an unbeatable super power. Come to think of it, life is always full of issues arising one after the other so the only way to keep happy is by making peace with all the things you have no control over and this is only achievable if you learn to live with what you need. Then, you will have problems that you need and easily find a way to solve them. I know having more is quite exciting but is it really necessary? The ability to live a simple life intentionally gives you contentment of the heart which means no amount of luxury bandwagon will get you depressed or feeling unfulfilled especially in times of crisis. If this is not peace then I do not know what to call it.

So if you are breaking or already broken, try working on a few things and the biggest accomplishment will be yourself, as soon as you get that simplicity in check, you will realize that there was never really a point in running after every moving thing/trend and trying to fit in the box that society has designed for you. You will get the time to catch a breath and everything will finally make much more sense.

You will not have to live your life chasing numbers, the number will build up on their own because you chose to set the pace at which your life would ride. You are in no haste and free of bandwagon pressure. You decided to pursue what was indispensable and live a simple but fulfilled life. You feel worthy of life’s trophies because you have done your part.

Design your simplicity to fit right into your Sophistication and live happily ever after.